On 20 December 2023, I moved out of my parents’ house for the first time and into an apartment to live alone. Granted, as a 36-year-old, my exit was overdue (that’s an understatement), but this is how my life has played out. As 20 December drew closer, I’d be lying if I said my anxiety and stress levels weren’t nearing an all-time high.

In hindsight, I was feeling overwhelmed by my to-do list and not mucking up anything important. The rising cost of living and what my finances will look like once living solo have also been loitering in the depths of my mind. I won’t have an accurate assessment about my finances for a while yet.

I’m also routine-driven. In my parents’ house, I walked the same route every morning before work and had my designated ‘spot’ on the couch where no one else besides BB the dog was allowed to sit. (Yes, I realise this is Sheldon-esque if you are a fan of The Big Bang Theory.)

Change is scary, but I’d rather take a risk and fail than never pursue my goals due to fear. Many of my perceived ‘failures’ have somehow worked out fine in the long-term.

I feel incredibly grateful to be able to live alone at my age. I work hard, but many people work hard and never find themselves in a similar position. I’m also aware that generations ago, women rarely had the opportunity to experience such independence and freedom.

As I begin writing this article at 3am (it is so good to eat, sleep and move around the house in line with my natural body clock, which appears to have reset since moving), it’s been 38 days since I moved in. I know it’s still early days, but I am loving every moment of my new-found space and complete autonomy.

If you are a brave soul and dare to Google something like “living with your parents at 36,” you’ll find your fair share of rather harsh commentary and advice. If you are looking for gentle encouragement and reassurance that moving out later in life isn’t something to be ashamed or scared of, I hope this article assists in shifting your mindset. I would have found a piece like this helpful at the height of my anxiety and stress before moving.

Here are my biggest takeaways about living alone for the first time so far.

I feel like I have endless amounts of space

When I refer to space, I don’t mean literal space. My apartment is relatively tiny, which doesn’t worry me, given I can only be in one room at a time. This is hard to articulate, but there’s more room for me to experience life’s ups and downs without worrying about how I’m impacting anyone else, or anyone else second-guessing my moods.

Life is so peaceful and quiet 

This struck me on night two when I was sitting on a bean bag in silence. I’m fortunate to have a beautiful view, and I enjoy watching the sun rise and set each day; it was so quiet that I could hear the beans in the bean bag move in unison with my breathing. Bliss!

I am not a fan of useless noise. My parents enjoy having the television playing in the background constantly. Having the ability to have the television or music on or off is liberating.

It’s essential to leave the house each day

I’m single and introverted. It’s incredibly easy for me not to leave the house, especially now that I am in my own space. While I often embrace my hermit-like tendencies, I feel lighter when I go to the park and see people and dogs.

There is something lovely about walking around and watching families playing with dogs and people exercising. There’s also a small bed of water (I have since discovered it’s a pond) nearby where I can sit, hear the birds chirping, and watch the fish swimming.

It’s easier to listen to what my body needs

Remember how I started writing this piece at 3am? This may change in time, but I am sleeping, eating and doing things on my own time. It’s not that I wasn’t ‘allowed’ to dictate my own schedule at my parents’ home, but when you live with others, you do have to be considerate.

Cooking is fun

I went through a brief period as a teenager when I got into cooking, but aside from that, I’ve never cooked anything in my life. This is a rather unexpected development, but I enjoy cooking, especially in the air fryer (which is the only way I cook anything), which almost feels foolproof. I’m still working on getting my quantities right (I tend to cook too much or not enough), but it’s lovely to cook whatever I feel like daily.

I’m content with knowing nothing is ever perfect in life

I anticipate several disasters may be ahead. I’m clumsy and not very handy around the house. Asking questions (even though I have felt silly many times) feels like it’s become my part-time job.

A while back, I asked a friend, “What does living alone feel like?” She replied, “It’s like when you go away for work and stay in a hotel, but that’s your life daily.” It turns out my friend was right.

If you are reading this as a more mature person who hasn’t left home yet (or who has returned home), please don’t feel it’s too late. If moving is what you truly want after blocking out the noise from society telling you what ‘should’ be happening, with some planning, you can make it happen when the time is right for you.

So, do I regret not moving out earlier? No, I believe everything happens in good time. Not to mention, the only reason I can afford to live solo now is because I lived at home for so long. 

I am incredibly grateful to my parents and understand staying at home for so long is a privilege not everyone is granted. Despite not exactly being thrilled about the move, they helped a lot because they know it’s what I want.

Everyone’s situation and circumstances are unique to them. However, sometimes, it’s best to consider what you may want in three to five years rather than focusing on what you want right now.