Many of us spend a lifetime worrying about the endless ‘what ifs?’ that plague our daily lives. Few people ask the questions that matter. Questions that often arise in the early hours of the morning when we’re struggling to sleep, like:

What happened to following my dreams?

What happened to the life I imagined building in my early teens and 20s?

How have I parked my dreams for life?

Most people never talk about these quiet moments. I understand why. Such questions can be overwhelming and anxiety-inducing, especially if we feel bogged down by the reality of everyday life. Expectations, routines, bills that will not pay themselves and more. 

Few people abandon their dreams dramatically

Such dreams simply slip away over time, gobbled up by the quicksand that life can become. We make empty promises to ourselves, like:

I’ll go on that dream trip after my next promotion.

I’ll have more time for my parents once the kids finish school.

I’ll phone that friend I haven’t spoken to in a while tomorrow.

Sadly, tomorrow may not come. We all know this. The one certainty in life is that one day we won’t be here. I won’t be typing these words, and you won’t be reading them. And yet, we continue as though tomorrow is guaranteed. We defer what matters, rationalising our actions by labelling them ‘practical’ and/or ‘realistic’. 

We willingly pay the price of failing to follow our dreams

I’m talking about more than money or status here. I am referring to the internal cost of allowing a dream to wither away inside us, slowly over time. I don’t believe our dreams ever truly die. They change shape and show up in our lives in different ways. And if we ignore them for long enough, they become our biggest regrets that haunt us into our later years (if we’re lucky to experience ‘old age’). I agree with what Mel Robbins has to say in the clip below.

The reality is, the pursuit of the dream is not the point. I’ve chased several dreams over the course of my 38 years, and I definitely haven’t achieved them all. To be transparent, I’ve failed to complete most of my dreams. It’s the journey embarked on that always proves most rewarding. If you’re rolling your eyes as you read my words, I understand. Words cannot capture what lived experience teaches.

The true cost of failing to follow our dreams

In working primarily with women 40+, I’ve started noticing patterns regarding the true cost of failing to pursue dreams. Let me be clear: the patterns I’ve identified haven’t emerged because people chased dreams that were never realised; they exist because these women never pursued their dreams at all. The dreams became something to do ‘in the future’, or when ‘I have the money’ and so on. I share these patterns for anyone sitting on the fence, questioning whether it’s 'worth' pursuing that dormant dream.

#1: The gradual erosion of self-trust

Dreams exist for a reason. If there were no pathway for pursuing a dream, the Universe would never have gifted it.

The impacts of ignoring our dreams are subtle at first. But over the years, something subtle happens: you stop trusting yourself.

You stop believing your longings are meaningful. You learn to override your inner voice with logic, other people’s expectations, or fear disguised as responsibility. And slowly, the relationship you have with yourself weakens. I love this Carolyn Myss quote:

"How do you know that you are on the right path? When you don't betray yourself anymore.”

Self-trust is insidious because, while stealthy, it permeates daily life effortlessly and without questioning anything. You hesitate more. You second-guess yourself often. You look outside yourself for permission or reassurance.

Dreams aren’t just wishes. They’re how your inner wisdom communicates. 

#2. Resentment towards the life you’ve built

This is one of the hardest costs, especially for women, to acknowledge.

When dreams are repeatedly sacrificed, resentment often creeps in. This doesn’t mean you are ungrateful or don’t love the people and things closest to you. Guilt seeps in, which can be soul-crushing and rather than allowing the emotion to be present, people often force guilt down. 

However, unexpressed resentment doesn’t disappear. It leaks out into your relationships. Your body. Your sense of purpose and very being.

I often write about how we’re capable of holding several truths at once. You can love parts of your life and still feel trapped by them. You can be grateful and grieving for something else you long for at the same time.

Instead of resenting the routines, the roles you play and the decisions you’ve made, why not accept where you currently are in life and remain open to possibilities?

Dreams aren’t selfish. They are often expressions of who you are becoming. And regardless of what people say, we can change our minds and direction in life repeatedly. 

#3. Regret that if left unresolved, eventually hits you like a brick

As I mentioned, we all know how our story will end. It doesn’t matter what possessions we have, how much money we have, our status, what we’ve built and so on. We can’t know what awaits us, but we know there is no forever.

Regret waits patiently when left to fester. In our 30s and 40s, it whispers—I’m speaking from experience. As far as I can tell from many women and people I’ve heard speak, regret intensifies in our 50s and beyond. Finish this sentence:

“I wish...”

Remember, our dreams don’t demand perfection or completion. They ask us to become more of who we are in the pursuit of them. When dreams are denied over the course of a lifetime, the ache of what might have been can become heavier than the fear that may be stopping you.

The tragedy isn’t failing at a dream—it’s never allowing yourself to pursue what’s possible.

The dream was never the problem

The Universe doesn’t hand out dreams to torment us. It knows each of us is capable of so much more than the mundaneness that life often throws our way. 

Living your dreams doesn’t always mean dramatic change. It doesn’t require burning everything down. Often, it begins quietly—with honesty, courage, and one small step back toward yourself.

The cost of ditching your dreams is rarely immediate. That’s why it’s so easy to ignore. But over time, it asks for payment—in energy, joy, self-trust, and aliveness.

What dream lives inside you?

I’d love to hear from you! And I am always happy to lend an ear to help you brainstorm your next best steps. My email address is: info@sarahcannata.com. I always try to respond as quickly as possible.